Final Distance
by zeezee42
Summary: It was the realization that came to her like a stab in the chest, a knife in her heart.


Final Distance  
By Zhidia  
An Inuyasha fanfiction  
Disclaimer: I don't own the lyrics or anime.  
Notes: The title is an Utada Hikaru song. The lyrics at the bottom are from "Yuuyami Suicide" by Pierrot.

-----

Alone, before the hazy sunset  
I was wondering, whether or not  
somewhere in my heart I had anything left to live for.

- "Yuuyami Suicide" by Pierrot  
Sunset Suicide

-----

Inuyasha was gone.

It wasn't the faded energy or the sword in the corner that gave it away. It wasn't the fact that Naraku had been defeated or that the jewel was restored that she knew. It was the realization that came to her like a stab in the chest; a knife in her heart. It progressed into a feeling of nausea, and then turned into fear and loneliness. She felt like something was missing. She knew exactly what it was when she returned to the village.

No one was outside, yet the sun was still comfortably warm and inviting even in the late hours of the day. It was almost as if her presence eclipsed over the sun and drove them inside, out of the cold. Her sandals crunched against the earth, various pebbles scattering in random directions as she made her way to her sister's hut.

Kaede had aged considerably since the last time she saw her. Her wise, old eyes had since glazed over with unseeing, and she spent her days in the hut with her serving maid to tend to her. Kikyo pushed back the worn bamboo flap, a sense of déjà vu flowing, rushing, flooding her mind and soul yet again. Kaede was lying on her cot, a small fire going in the old oven, sending warmth through the small hut and Kikyo's cold body. She felt alive, warm, and real again. She closed her eyes for a brief moment and wallowed in the heat, shivers running down her spine.

"Who's there? Close the flap. It's cold out."

"Kaede."

She had only to speak her sister's name, and realization dawned over the old woman's worn face, her eyes struggling to focus on the woman that she could only see in her imagination. Kaede turned slowly, her aged body aching with the effort, and sighed. It was then that Kikyo noticed the sword lying in the corner.

She set her bow and arrows down at the door where she had remained, and removing her shoes, made her way towards the weapon. It looked useless and small, but as she ran her hand over the hilt and down the flat part of the blade, she could still sense the pure, untamed power radiating from the sword.

"Why are you here?" Kaede rasped.

"Why don't you know?" Kikyo replied and stood, but still fixed her gaze on the sword in the corner.

"He's gone. He went with Kagome." Kikyo pulled her gaze away from the enrapturing blade, and looked at her sister. "You knew, didn't you? You did. So why did you come here?"

Kikyo started at that. Why did she come here? To confirm the already known? To see her sister one last time before her death? To revisit old memories? Perhaps it was all of them. But still, she replied.

"I don't know."

A smile danced across Kikyo's face, not quite powerful enough to reach her eyes. She looked away from Kaede and headed for the door. Slipping her shoes on and reaching for her bow, she wasn't quite fast enough to evade one last word from Kaede.

"Goodbye."

Kikyo merely smiled her half-smile again, moved the old hanging door, and left. She didn't know where she was going; she never really did, because there was nowhere that she actually needed to go to. Everything was done. Naraku was dead, the jewel was gone, and balance had returned to the land once more. She couldn't think of anything that she needed to do.

Slinging her bow across her shoulder, she made her way up to that familiar hill that overlooked two sides, the village and the vast landscape of rolling hills. She knelt down, as she had done so many years ago, and faced the setting sun. Smiling, she reached into her sleeve and pulled out her knife. It was the same knife she had raised to the throat of the man she loved so much, the same knife Naraku had been cut with, and the same knife she had used to protect the village from demons when she was younger.

_No doubt my legs are trembling_

She was at peace. Even though Inuyasha was gone, off to start a new life with Kagome, even though her life hadn't seemed to be worth living, even though she lost her childhood to her duties. Kikyo's smile grew as she thought of the complications of the human world. She laughed gently, all the while her gaze fixed on the small blade she held in her lap. She held it up to the sunset, admiring the way the sun seemed to bend around the knife in an oddly captivating way. She tilted her head and smiled, bringing the knife down and pointed it at her chest.

_because I'm still slightly afraid. _

Kikyo closed her eyes, and gave one last prayer. She prayed that Inuyasha would find happiness, wherever he decided to go. She prayed that Kaede would not die with unfulfilled dreams. She prayed for all the children she knew as a young woman, who, if they were still in this world, were the same age as her sister. And she prayed that she would find peace, wherever she ended up after this.

_If I can just take that first step, _

Opening her eyes, Kikyo fixed her gaze on the sunset. The knife was steady in her hands. In one fluid motion, she drove the knife into her chest, and let out a small cry. She fell onto the ground, her clay body cracking, breaking and snapping as she landed. It didn't hurt. She couldn't move, and she knew she was dying, but the pain she had imagined, the searing pain that would rip through her body and tear her apart from the inside, wasn't there. Kikyo rolled onto her side, breathing heavily, and took one last look at the sunset. Her last conscious thought was, 'What a beautiful way to leave this world.'

_then I'll find peace._

And then, the miko known as Kikyo, the sister of Kaede, Inuyasha's first love, the woman who had lived too long, and the child who had been forced to grow up too fast turned to dust, and the brilliant light that was her soul floated up towards the heavens. And the dust turned to nothingness, shimmering in the light of the dying sun.

Here I go, time to fly off,  
I don't have time to feel the pain.  
The setting sun so bright is trying to tell me something.


End file.
